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I was just going through some of my old paperwork.  I'm getting ready to retire, and disposing of a lot of old stuff.  I happened to find this old letter; I used to install a lot of Allstate signs, and we usually sent a detailed report after the job was complete.  Here's the text, you might enjoy this:


Dear Turner.  Regarding this service call, we actually did get to the location the very next day after the order.  Prompt and professional service - that's the way we roll.

There was one minor incident; actually so piddley that I didn't think of it till just now.  So anyways,  this office building is located on a very steep hill. The parking lot, also on a steep hill, is behind the building.  In order to keep out of the closer parking spots, we parked on the outer row of  parking spaces, about a hundred feet from the building.   Our service crew gathered the tools and were walking up to the office when they heard the ladder truck moving. 

 It seems the truck had popped out of gear, (the emergency brake has never worked) and was rolling down the hill towards the agent's office, picking up speed as it went.  A car was just entering the parking lot, driven by a dumb-ass old lady who wasn't paying the least bit of attention to what was coming.  We had hoped that the car would stop the truck before it hit the building, but it was one of those ugly-assed 'Smart" cars.  So much for 'Smart'; it couldn't even stop a runaway ladder truck.  I"ll never buy one of those, they crunch up like an aluminum beer can..

Anyway, the truck proceeded toward the building with the smart car crumpled into the front grill like a big shiny bug.  When it went through the rear brick wall of the building, the look on the agent's face was, like, WTF?   Kind of funny, actually.  I get the impression that he was somewhat slow-witted, as he made absolutely no effort to get out of the way.  Not our fault.  Anyhow the truck went all the way through the building, with the Smart car, the old lady, the agent, bricks, and a bunch of office furniture coming out the other side.

This is where it gets interesting.  This building was apparently not built to code, because it sits right smack up against North Oak street .  I mean, it's not six feet away from the street!!.  The actual street level is about eight feet below the building grade, and they put a retaining wall there to hold the building up.   On top of that, they had the lack of foresight to put a bus stop right exactly there, under the weak-assed retaining wall.  

 So, as the truck exited the other side of the building, the retaining wall collapsed into the street, and the bus stop.  Naturally, there had to be a bunch of retards standing there waiting for a bus.  Too bad, that's what you get for using public transportation.

 So, some weenie makes a big deal out if it, and calls the fire department, who immediately show up and proceed to stand around and wonder what to do.  We tried to help the poor dimwits, by driving our truck out of the way.  It's a wonder it would still run, but it did.  The people under the truck were squealing like a truck load of pigs, but as I said earlier, that's not really our concern.  We didn't put 'em under the truck, and after all we were trying to help the fire department by getting out of the way.  


Anyhow, the service call wound up being not necessary after all. The sign is now in a landfill, and it may be some time before they're ready for a new sign.  As a matter of fact, if they don't find a new agent, they may not even need a sign at this location.  However, I do have to bill you for a service call -  but I'll make sure it doesn't exceed our minimum charge.

 By the way, please make note of our new billing address.  We had to move rather abruptly, and we found a really nice little shop in Canada .   If you have any work around that area, please send it our way.  As always, we will give it our trademark prompt and professional attention.

 PS, please don't give out our new address, at least for the next six years.  Something to do with a statute of limitations, I believe. 

 See ya, Mike Welch


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You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

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Thanks for making my morning!!


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Love it!

Installation & Maintenance Services

Brian Phillips | expresssignandneon@sbcglobal.net | P. 812-882-3278

Express Sign & Neon | 119 S. 15th Street - Vincennes - IN 47591


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